The SHAKTI Study is a study by JIVINITI, the Research and Creative Communications Program of The Virsa Foundation, Inc.
SHAKTIThe SHAKTI Study
by JIVINITI

Day 4 of 5

Resilience

On the fourth day, 42 women told us how they get through: the hardest thing they had overcome, the strength they draw on, what they eat when they cannot cope, what they are grateful for, and who would pick up the phone at 2 a.m. Their answers are about strength, and about the burnout that comes from carrying so much.

Women who answered
42
Questions
9
reset. pathways
RestoreConnectRebalance

What they were asked

  1. Think of a time you faced a big challenge and overcame it. How did you do it? What was the lesson?
  2. What are your unique “superpowers” that help you face adversity?
  3. What might be your biggest weakness when facing adversity?
  4. Think of someone you know who overcame a big challenge. What do you admire most about how they handled it?
  5. How do you respond in moments of stress or uncertainty? What coping strategies do you use?
  6. What do you eat when you are stressed out? What are your typical cravings?
  7. What are five things you are most grateful for, and why?
  8. If you felt troubled, who is the one person you could call anytime, day or night (even at 2 a.m.), and they would be there for you?
  9. Imagine you could create a better, more compassionate world. What would it look like?

What she overcame

Almost every woman had a story of getting through.

Asked for a big challenge they had faced and overcome, the women wrote about lives, not diets. Eleven of 42 named a job, money or housing crisis: a layoff, a forced move with nowhere to go, ten years of applications to leave public housing. Eight wrote about leaving a marriage or a relationship that was hurting them or their children. Seven wrote about grief, five about depression, anxiety or trauma, four about a hard-won school or work goal, and four about hardship while pregnant or raising children.

Their lessons were short and practical: plan ahead, keep savings, never give up. Several said the hardest part was asking for help, and that asking was the lesson.

One reading is that many of these challenges were structural as often as personal. The women told them as tests of character. They were also tests of money, housing and work.

I learned that if I just do my part and be patient and not be so stubborn to ask for help, everything will work itself out.
Kiara · Black · in her 30s · on moving house a week before her daughter was born

In her words

What getting through looked like.

MOVING OUT OF THE PROJECTS, I OVERCAME BY WORKING TO MOVE FOR 10 YRS APPLYING TO OTHER APTS
Liliana · Latina · in her 30s
i learned to coupon and we watched alot of the rush hour movies on repeat. the lesson was not to be frivolous and i learned to plan ahead for bills and expenses.
Shannon · White · in her 40s · on raising four children through two spells of unemployment
It was easier to just stay in a situation that was "comfortable" rather than happy. I finally realized that life is way to short to not be happy!
Tammy · White · in her 40s
It was hard but I did it, not just for them but for myself. It taught that I can overcome anything even though it maybe hard and may take awhile, it can be done!
Cheryl · White · in her 50s · on going to therapy to recover from agoraphobia
Someone had to hold it together and take action to give a proper burial. Moral of the story is you have to put your feelings aside to get things done..
Beatriz · Latina · in her 40s

I can’t say that I have superpowers because inside I might be screaming, but I have a great poker face.

Yvette · Black · in her 50s

Superpowers and weaknesses

What holds them up, and what they admit weighs them down.

  • a great poker face
  • My belief in God
  • I bottle things up
  • I am strong
  • a spirit of hope inside me
  • i always take on other peoples issues
  • landing on my feet
  • compassion...with myself
  • self care is tough
  • Courage
  • a baby whisperer
  • Being too nice
  • God and my will
  • my thick skinned nature
  • Hiding my feelings
  • i wear big girl panties!
  • I'm here I'm there I'm listening to everything
  • Shutting down when I feel overwhelmed.
  • endurance and positivity in the face of adversity
  • being humble
  • I worry way too much.
  • I am definitely my worst enemy.
  • Anxiety and second-guessing myself
  • my lack of resources/support

Bold: superpowers the women named. Light: weaknesses they named. Of 42, strength, persistence or willpower came up most often as a superpower (15), then positivity and hope (10), faith (9) and a calm face (9). The weaknesses most named were worry (11), withdrawing or hiding feelings (8), putting others first (7) and self-doubt (7). Four women said they had no superpowers at all, and all four turned to God or prayer instead.

When it all gets to be too much

Some reach for something sweet. Almost a third stop eating.

Reaching for something

  • Sweets, chocolate, ice cream18
  • Fast food, “whatever is accessible”11
  • Salty, crunchy9
  • Bread, carbs, comfort meals5
Typically when I’m stressed I eat things that bring me memories of joy.
Gabriela · Latina · in her 30s

Not eating at all

  • Eats less or nothing13
  • No change3
I get super cranky and sometimes I can't think and then I remember oh I'm stressed and I didn't eat all day, but I feed my kids...
Claudia · Latina · in her 40s

Women naming each response, of 42 who answered on Day 4. A woman could name more than one. One reading: eating more and not eating may be two answers to the same burnout. One soothes; the other drops her own plate from the list.

Cravings

Comfort, memory, and the guilt that follows.

The comfort comes from loving them! The guilt comes from eating them!
Tammy · White · in her 40s · on her favorite sweets
Take a break for yourself. This is temporary. Let me help you feel a little better.
Rosa · Latina · in her 40s · asked what her chocolate would say to her
Typical cravings include smash burgers, my moms food like papusas or caldo, steak, italian food and hot wings.
Gabriela · Latina · in her 30s
Bread!!! It's the devil
Kiara · Black · in her 30s
I don't realize I haven't eaten until I get a headache.
Kiara · Black · in her 30s · on what she eats when stressed

Coping

Breath, prayer, music, and a door that closes.

  • Breathing, meditation, counting to ten23
  • Music, reading, writing, TV, hobbies12
  • Exercise, walking, yoga10
  • Prayer9
  • Time alone, withdrawing9
  • Talking it through with someone7
  • Crying5
  • Alcohol or smoking (mentioned)5

Women naming each, of 42, across two questions on stress and coping. A woman could name more than one. Nobody was asked about alcohol, therapy or faith directly; these came up in their own words.

I take deep breathes, I find a quiet spot and be still dont think about nothng but hearing the quiet in the room
Bernadette · Black · in her 50s
this past week i started putting my phone on silent and take an hour to decompress from work which helps my headaches
Ebony · Black · in her 30s
I lock myself in the bathroom or car until I can pull myself together.
Daniela · Latina · in her 20s
Sometimes I also talk to myself in the mirror because I believe we’re a lot nicer to each other if we speak to ourselves as a friend.
Gabriela · Latina · in her 30s
Sometimes I pour myself a glass of wine but I have found that this is only a band-aid and does not help in the long run.
Natalia · White · in her 40s

Five things she is grateful for

Children first. Then health, friends, and a roof.

  • Children, family39
  • Health24
  • Friends21
  • A roof, food on the table, the basics16
  • A job, steady money12
  • God, faith11
  • Pets9

Women naming each, of 42. A woman could name more than one. One reading: when a gratitude list names the basics, a roof and food and a car that starts, it also shows how close those basics can feel to being lost.

i have a place to sleep, the ability to pay for food, reliable transportation, warm clothes and family that loves me. a lot of people are searching for these items
Ebony · Black · in her 30s
Having shelter - I’ve been without, it’s nice not having to worry about having somewhere to live
Tamara · Black · in her 30s
I am healthy. I am loved. I have a roof over my head. I have food in my table. I am able to provide for myself.
Rosa · Latina · in her 40s
Time: Having time to put myself first. Above all --this is something money can't buy
Veronica · Latina · in her 30s

The 2 a.m. call

Friends and mothers. A sister, a husband, a grown daughter. And two women with no one to name.

We asked each woman to name the one person she could call anytime, day or night, even at 2 a.m., who would be there for her. Friends and mothers came first. For some, a congregation stood in for family. For one, the people she would call are no longer living, and she talks to them anyway.

2 a.m.she reaches for13a friend11her mother9a husband orpartner8a sister, brother,cousin or otherrelative2a grown child2no one to name
Women naming each kind of person, of 42. A woman could name more than one.

One answer below mentions crisis hotlines. If you are struggling, you can call or text 988, the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, in the U.S. at any time.

in my religion we call each other brothers and sisters and we mean it.
Valerie · Black · in her 40s
Because I have called at 2am. She is truly my rock
Tammy · White · in her 40s · on her best friend
Since my husband passed away, she has really been there for me and today we are as close as we ever were.
Kristen · White · in her 40s · on her daughter
i used to call my grandmother. not at 2 am of course! but i miss being able to call her. even though my dad has passed i talk to him like hes right in front of me. helps me get perspective.
Shannon · White · in her 40s
I don't have that person. I've used crisis hotlines in the past.
a Latina mother in her 30s

One reading: the women’s 2 a.m. people are kin and friends earned over years. A program can add company, a buddy, a group. It cannot be someone’s 2 a.m. person, and promising that role to a woman with no one would carry real responsibility.

A more compassionate world

Kindness, equality, and time to breathe.

The world would be a place where no one is devalued due to the color of their skin, origin, or any other orientation.
Gwendolyn · Black · in her 50s
mental health access because a lot of homeless people are written off by society as drug abusers and they need help
Ebony · Black · in her 30s
A world with calmness without being rushed all the time.
Veronica · Latina · in her 30s
I imagine people having empathy with their fellow human even if they can’t relate to them.
Tamara · Black · in her 30s
Reach out and help others by volunteering or even calling old friends or family members that might need someone to talk to.
Karina · Latina · in her 20s
I think everyone on earth should wait tables for a full calendar year of their lives and every single person should be in regular, weekly therapy.
Heather · White · in her 30s
A less self-seeking world and more a serving one.
Mariela · Latina · in her 40s

Lenses

Across communities, life stages and means.

The three communities in this study also differ in age and household income, so a difference between groups may be a difference of life stage or money. We show a comparison only where it holds, with the number of women behind it.

Across communities

Faith as a resource

In every community, most women drew strength from family, friends and their own persistence. Faith is where the communities differed most.

Across the whole diary, 11 of 19 Black women and 10 of 22 Latina women wrote about God, prayer or church as their own resource, often as what carried them through job loss, illness or grief. One of 14 White women did. The difference held at every age and in both household-means groups, so it is not explained by the White women in this study being older. Faith was most present among Black and Latina women over 45.

Each pattern has its counter-voice. One Latina woman put her faith in “a higher power of myself.” One young Black woman, asked what would help her, wrote a single word: “Therapy”.

Read with care. These are things women chose to write to a researcher. They show what felt sayable as strength, not how religious anyone is. White women may hold faith privately and not write about it.

Before the diaries

What the experts helped us see.

“Where you have nurturing relationships, when you have somebody who loves you and trusts you, you are much more likely to follow on self-care program or a well-being program.”

Dr. Amit SoodPhysician and resilience researcher

“Resilience is the core strength you use to lift the load of life.”

Dr. Amit SoodPhysician and resilience researcher

“I think we underestimated the power of community.”

Kylie BucknerNurse educator and coach, Mastering Diabetes

“I just conquer their fears by letting them know that I will be there for them.”

Ramona CadoganEducator, vegan coach and Masters weightlifter

All 15 expert interviews →

Where this led

From the diaries to GAIA, the film and reset.

The GAIA Study, 2021

83% vs 64%

SHAKTI informed The GAIA Study, which then asked 14,626 Americans about diet, stress and resilience. In GAIA’s partner sample, 83% of Whole Food Plant-Based respondents and 64% of Standard American Diet respondents felt confident about their ability to tackle challenges. The partner sample is a convenience sample, not the U.S. population, and the diet groups differ in other ways too.

Third Degree Burnout – A Survivor’s Guide

SHAKTI informed the documentary, a survivor’s guide to burnout, and Day 4 is where these women describe getting through: the poker face, the hour of quiet, the person who picks up at 2 a.m.

Project reset. · Restore

Rest and stillness, building on the breathing, prayer and quiet the women already use, with care for those who stop eating under stress.

Project reset. · Connect

Company on the way: a group and a buddy beside the 2 a.m. people a woman already has.

Project reset. · Rebalance

Counting herself among the people she looks after, without adding one more standard to meet.

The reset. connection

Rest, people, and a little room for herself.

Project reset., the film's educational impact campaign, helps people move from burnout to resilience through five pathways: Nourish, Restore, Move, Connect and Rebalance. Day 4 speaks to three of them.

Restore. The women already have tools for stillness: 23 of 42 breathe, meditate or count to ten, and others pray, sing, read or sit in a quiet room. Restore builds on what they already do rather than handing them something new. It also makes room for the 13 of 42 who stop eating under stress, a pattern the women themselves brought to light.

Connect. Resilience here is relational. Friends, mothers, sisters and congregations carry these women, and two have no one to name. Connect offers company on the way: a group and a buddy, never a replacement for the people a woman already trusts.

Rebalance. The weakness many named was the other side of their strength: putting everyone else first, worrying, bottling it up. Rebalance means counting herself among the people she looks after, without adding one more standard to meet.

One practical first step, in the women’s own direction: take one hour that is yours. One woman began putting her phone on silent for an hour after work, and her headaches eased. Use part of that hour to breathe, and part of it to call the person who would pick up at 2 a.m.

The five pathways · lit where this points

  • Nourish
  • Restore
  • Move
  • Connect
  • Rebalance

Where does your reset. begin?

Explore Project reset.

Women whose stories live on this day

Read their portraits.

Black · 53

Yvette

her superpower: “a great poker face”

Read her portrait

Latina · in her 50s

Elena

her superpower: “my faith in God and my family”

Read her portrait

White · in her 40s

Kristen

her superpower: “endurance and positivity in the face of adversity”

Read her portrait