Nia

Nia calls herself Funny, Loving, caring, understanding, and compassionate, and credits her upbringing with a certain swag, personality, and toughness to me even tho I’m also very sweet. She is a single mother of a young son and a younger daughter in a large Northeastern city, and completed some college before my kids took over my life. Before the pandemic she did heavy manual work. In 2020 she had to temporarily stop working because of no child care and school and become a full time mom/teacher.

Her defining moments are about having a door of her own. After a breakup she moved back in with her mother, with whom she did not get along, and became pregnant there: the worst for me. Then an apartment of her own: So once I had my own place I felt like a true grownup. Then the daughter she had always wanted: All day she tells me I love you too and it just melts my heart. The arc is upward and earned step by step. What it leaves unsaid is how much of it she carried alone.

Her food story begins with an absence. Her mother never cooked and always bought outside and fast food, so now I have that bad eating habit; school lunch filled the rest. She says it without bitterness, and with a joke. She herself enjoys cooking and trying new recipes. She shops weekly and cooks pasta, or a protein with a starch side and vegetables, for the family, and as a working mother eats what ever is fast and convenient. A former manager still calls her greedy, which she finds funny.

What she most wants is small and specific: healthy food bought for herself alone. She likes certain low-calorie prepared dinners, but I can’t afford to always buy separate food for myself. Her Day 5 barrier is two words, My family, explained gently: the foods they like aren’t great choices for somone trying to maintain and loose weight. Studies of mothers’ food work, from DeVault (1991) onward, describe how a mother’s own needs fold into the family’s; Nia names that pattern in the plainest terms.

Her toughness was tested at work. Pregnant with her daughter, she asked a coworker for help with something heavy and was refused. Her conclusion: you can’t depend on people even during your most vulnerable times. Under stress she withdraws, to avoid projecting my sad feelings and mood onto no one else, and eats little. Her superpower is staying strong and positive during hard and tough times. Her 2 a.m. person is a good friend: we vibe so well and can talk about anything. She is grateful to her parents and, notably, to my kids father for being so helpful.

She would try vegan food for her health, and follows vegan chefs online. Her idea for a community event: How to buy healthy affordable foods on a budget. On Day 5 she wrote her most searching line: I feel like ever since I had kids I’ve lost my self. Her letter answers it: You sacrificed your life and what makes you happy for your family and deserve to finally be happy.