Ayana

Ayana calls herself Funny, honest, loyal, creative, independent. She is a single mother of two, with a puppy, who works from home and is in the beginning stages of starting my own business. Her religion and her upbringing, she writes, laid the foundation for how she treats people. Being Black, in school and at work, meant she had to work harder to be heard, and it taught her to never give up, remain persistent, keep giving your best efforts and don't ever let anyone tell you what you cannot be or do.

She names three defining moments and gives each one a single word: Life, Loss, Fresh Start. The births of her children made her reflect on my own upbringing and make changes so that they can have a better life than I did. A miscarriage taught her that even in your darkest moments, you still have to continue to move forward. And a fresh start in 2020 taught her to put myself first before any person except my kids! On Day 4 she names her biggest challenge as deciding to walk away from my marriage, a decision that took a lot of planning and evaluating. One reading is that each of her moments ends the same way, with movement; the words move forward return across her diary like a refrain.

Her food story runs through her family. She grew up on soul food, and her favorites were hog mogs, candy yams and fried chicken! Both grandmothers lived with hypertension and diabetes, and as a child she could not understand why they couldn't play with us like some other grandparents could. Her father’s family is, in her word, very country; he was raised as a survivor and will eat just about anything. In her marriage, meals were built around a picky eater, and we definitely didn't eat as many vegetables and fruits as we should have. Now, she writes, we definitely don't eat fried food, I don't buy sugar and junk food, and pork and beef are gone.

Her five food words are honest: Basic, curious, apprehensive, afraid, stuck. She has a thing with food textures and the way food looks, and worries a new dish may make her sick. She knows the habit and wants to lose it: I would love to break my habit of judging food before I even try it. Her caution sits beside real curiosity; she would try a vegan diet just to get the experience, and the friend she trusts most is vegan. She also remembers local farmers her grandparents bought from that no longer have farms because the crops weren't doing as well as they used to.

Her superpower is plain: I don't give up hope and I keep moving forward. Her weakness is that she can judge herself or a situation too harshly sometimes. Under stress she does not eat. She walks, sits in silence, listens to music, or breathes with my eyes closed counting down from 10. She admires a friend who lives with a rare heart condition and still does everything without ever complaining. Her 2 a.m. person is her best friend, who researches EVERYTHING! and is More like a sister than a friend!

Her Day 5 goal is to make healthier choices! and the obstacle she names is herself: My thoughts and reluctance around trying new things is what hinders me. Her letter looks back with pride: You along with those you've motivated are the beginning of breaking a generational curse! It ends with a nudge: Stop being so critical of food and just try it.